Roadblocks

Between me and the world is a gigantic roadblock. Between me and my happiness another big roadblock. Most of them are excuses, some are serious and truthful, others are made up to sound genuine in order to trick my mind or my consciousness into thinking I’m right. I’m used to lying to myself, I do that a lot.

Lately, I’ve been using my daughter as an excuse for everything that I don’t have time to do anymore. It’s a perfect excuse because it is true. My daughter is the most exhausting creature I’ve ever met. She is absolutely lovely and I adore her, HOWEVER, she sucks my energy in a way I couldn’t even start to describe it. If she isn’t sucking my energy, she is a source of self frustration and self doubt that I, of course, experienced before, but not at this level and not with this intensity. She’s the perfect excuse because a one year old child needs constant care and attention. Please take your time and truly dig in the “constant” in the last phrase. It is a constant thing. It’s a 24h deal. I’m not just saying it, it’s the kind of thing that in order to understand it you need to experience it yourself.

I didn’t particularly like kids prior to her, I found them annoying, I had no idea how to interact with them, I hated people that when seeing a kid, they immediately would turn into these creatures fooling around and changing their voices to a note so high it could break the imaginary glass inside my head, let alone a real one. When I was pregnant I saw this documentary that was saying there’s a reason for that kind of indifference to babies. The doctor was saying that if a baby sees a lot of adults smiling and laughing at them, later on, when they’ll be adults, they’ll be able to do the same to other kids. Well, I guess I had a sad start to begin with. Whatever.

Among other things, E’s debut into my life came as a challenge. I can’t express how chaotic and disorganised my life was before her, but that had to change completely once she was born. I had to force myself into planning a routine and actually stick to it. I loved my chaos, but in all honesty, sticking to a routine kind of tickled my ovaries too. I always wanted more discipline in my life, but was too lazy to apply it. Maybe lazy is a simplistic way to put it, and there’s more to it than just pure laziness. I never had any real discipline in my life. I had a complicated childhood and I had the luxury to refuse things that I didn’t want to do. Nobody told me that I have to do it and insert some consequences if I don’t… No one could hold me responsible if I didn’t finish something, be it a chore, a problem or a project. I could always refuse to do it and run away from the problem. The only problem was how the world would see me, but I’ve been in a constant war with that aspect and eventually caved in: I’m a freak, I’m a weirdo. And I got the Hell out of my hometown. There were special circumstances, true, but I think this is what created this procrastinating monster that I am now. That and a tremendous fear of ruining everything, of not doing it right, of ridicule, judgement and eventually the low self esteem cherry on top with extra cream. I don’t like myself, why would anyone like anything that I do?

Once I could detach myself from the triggers that generated my low self esteem ( to be read: moved out of my hometown, never looked back, didn’ exactly stay in touch with childhood friends) I had a couple of boosts of confidence. That worked fine because I could be whomever I wanted and reinvent myself, far from the misconceptions and judgemental looks from a small town. The problem is that I constantly battled with myself and how I allow people to treat me, to perceive me. I had no idea what’s normal, what’s the norm. What should I accept? What was out of line? I just went along with a lot of stuff, I expected people to treat me in a way that I wouldn’t be comfortable now. Not that now I know what normal is, it’s just that I know better what I’m comfortable with and I’m not afraid or reticent in asking it. When I interact with other people I try and be as natural as I can, but when I get home and those pesky little bastards inside my brain start talking, they always make me wonder: Did I go over the line? Did I exaggerate? Should I have refrained from sharing that? Did I offend someone? Then I get pissed off with myself because, well, why the fuck should I care so much about what other people think? It’s not like THEY are perfect, they can fuck up as well, that’s part of being human, right? That’s what every author says, it must be true.

I hate myself for overthinking everything. For caring so much about what other people think, or for not caring enough. The fact is, I act like I don’t care, that’s my attitude, that’s what I try to convince myself of. However, I surprise myself each time obsessing and overthinking about things I’ve said and done, so I must actually really care? I don’t know, this obviously doesn’t happened with everybody, but I came to realise that on a day that started well with a boost of confidence, sometimes, it’s enough to hear a mean comment from a stranger to make me question everything. Was I really fair in judging that in that way? Should I have tried more? Maybe I should’ve just shut up? Ugh, and so many unanswered questions pass through my mind all the damn time, it’s freaking exhausting.

There are a couple of things that are non negotiable for me. I think homophobes suck, racists and anti-feminists suck, but most of all, I am absolutely 100% certain that my father sucks ass. These are non negotiable, fuck you if you are one of them, don’t care how you see me, kthxbye.

I cannot for the life of me understand homophobes. People have been gay and fluid about their sexuality for so long, I can’t understand how everybody just let a bunch of self moralising pedophiles dictate that’s a sin or something, that somehow you’ll receive eternal damnation for it. I mean, I get it that they tried, but how come everybody was just ok with it? And still is? Racists and anti-feminists I can understand, I guess when you look deeply into these people’s beliefs, in the end you’ll find fear. Fear of losing control, of losing a preferred status or a certain privilege and that just makes it so much disgusting. Just because I understand it, doesn’t mean I’m ok with it, ok?

All of the above I realised relatively at a young age and it’s not such a groundbreaking conclusion to take. Now, when it comes to my father, I had moments and thoughts and revelations and somewhere in my mid twenties, I just gave up, let go, stopped talking to him. I’m sad this happened and I wish things would be different. Wishful thinking caused me lots of suffering, I learned the hard way that.. well, some people just won’t change. No matter how much they say they love you and no matter how many times they tell you they will try to do better by you. I believe my dad loves me, but he doesn’t care enough to act on it, to show it or to make any changes to his behaviour in order to make us have a relationship. I understand him, he didn’t grew up with a father, it must’ve been tough. That being said, I refused to live being constantly disappointed and hurt by him and I cut him off. He didn’t even make an effort to have me in his life. It’s been five years since we don’t talk and he didn’t make the slightest effort to reconcile. I had a kid in the meantime and still nothing. I bet he blames everything on me and on how spoiled and difficult I am. He probably says that I just suck. Over that, I don’t think I’ll ever be able to get over, I mean, it’s a super sad conclusion to take. I just. I just can’t. Having him in my life doing the same shit he always does is a million times worse than whatever sad conclusion I took.

Jesus, I hate religion. Part I

On the evolution scale, humanity is supposed to go through certain stages. If 3000 years ago the various cultures were henotheistic ( meaning each tribe or city worshipped its local god, while also accepting that other tribes have a different god ), people later went through polytheism and eventually monotheism. There wasn’t so much of a transition from one to the other, it looked more like a conversion. A conversion that often followed power transition or colonisations.
Among other things, religion was an amazing tool to make people follow you and give purpose and a form of morality in their lives.
One of the best stories proving how religion is a tool is taught by Russia. Before communists came and decided they are over it, there was a time long, long ago, when Vladimir the Great had a dilemma (around the year 900 or so ). All of his other international friends already had a religion and he felt a bit left out and isolated. He swiped left and right and searched and did his research and eventually, he decided for Christianity. To him, it had a special appeal the fact that all his depravity and fratricide would eventually go away by praying. All he had to do was sit through some boring “sermon”, eat some bread with wine and all his sins would go away. Yeah, sure, people would hate it at first, they would try to switch to vodka, but Christianity had another cool thing going on. Since most Russians were really poor, the whole fasting deal suddenly had another appeal. They would refuse to eat not because they literally didn’t have food, but because it purifies the soul and give absolution and all that jazz.
Of course, Vlad was no idiot, he knew the other advantages Christianity provided, like making the family strong and giving them morals and also developing culture – philosophy and theological literature. Monotheism was also the main essence of a single state with the monarch at head. It took centuries to strengthen Christianity, but eventually, it somehow managed to become tax-exempt, extremely rich and super influential. However, religion wasn’t introduced because Vlad had a dream of Jesus and his multiple personalities threatening to condemn him to Hell. Vlad understood the political gain of having such a thing and exploited it.
In fact, I doubt there were so many people genuinely believing in the existence of an almighty God, but rather in the advantages that he gives, whether he exists or not.
I started doubting religion and it’s intentions ever since I was 14-15, it was part of my rebellious punk-ass-rocker act. That led to some soul searching and a couple of religious camps. It was intense, I cried a lot, but I also saw how a professor teaching religion had an affair with a student and was jealous of a priest wanting to have an affair with that kid also. Yeah, fucked up. No, that kid wasn’t me, it was a friend, but the whole drama there convinced me that there is a tremendous difference between what religion says and how it is implemented.
Having this example opened my eyes in terms of everything Christianity did. Their entire history is hypocritical, to say the least, it promotes elitism, sexism and gives an excuse to people to act like assholes.
If I managed to somehow realize that when I was 15 ( me, a really average person ), how come other people failed in doing so? How come religion is still a thing?
Well, more and more people say they are convinced that life definitely ends once you die – that there is no God, no Heaven or Hell, no divine plan. The numbers say atheists aren’t a majority, however, there are atheists out there that on paper still look like Christians – since it’s really complicated to renounce a religion once your parents decided at birth you believe that Jesus Christ died for your sins.
Throughout the years, religion also managed to survive because it adapted to the demands of the population. I mean, if birth control, divorces, and women voting were no-no’s, now it’s the Pope saying they aren’t exactly the worst someone might do and that maybe now there might be a place in Heaven for you even if you decide to use a condom or masturbate. Although they still have work to do on the pedophile and wealth department, priests still manage to gather people on Sundays and somehow convince them to give them their money. Fucked up.

Metallica si Filantropia Comerciala

Da, ii suspectez pe Metallica de filantropie comerciala. Exceptand faptul ca banii nu ajung toti unde trebuie si se poarta o negociere financiara si de imagine inaintea tranzactiei, in spate e doar un calcul de marketing si management al unei trupe care functioneaza ca o companie: la incasari de cateva milioane la fiecare concert, trebuie sa menti o imagine motivanta. In cazul starurilor rock reclamele de tip Rihanna nu prea prind, pentru ca aparent publicul e oleaca mai inteligent … zic, doar o leaca … si atunci trebuie sa-ti speli imaginea dupa scandalurile cu Napster si aviditatea financiara nejustificata din trecut bagand mai mult in filantropie comerciala.

La fel cum Bon Jovi detine restaurante pentru saraci si Bono imparte cu donatiile false in stanga si in dreapta mai ceva ca Maica Teresa, investitiile astea se reflecta in incasari si in cotatia pe scena de show biz, tinand publicul cald. Public care trebuie sa consume in continoare aceleasi piese over and over again and again … nu conteaza ca nu mai sunt anii ’80 si intre timp au aparut alte trupe muzicale net superioare, scena metal evoluand … “we are Meeeeeetallicaaaaa”, consumati aceleasi albume over and over, repetativ, repetativ, repetativ, Master, Master, Master, ca sunt the shiet.

Intr-o lume cu o evolutie muzicala si artistica exponentiala, vedetismul obsesiv nu se justifica. Aceste personaje create nu mai sunt oameni care si-au ales meseria de muzicieni sau actori, sunt deodata formatori de opinie, sunt idoli cu milioane de followeri, nu m-ar mira ca maine poimaine unul din ei sa candideze la alegeri si sa castige, mascariciul de Trump doar a deschis drumul …

Imi amintesc de unul din ultimele interviuri cu Dem Radulescu, crescut in alt tip de societate care la un moment dat il intreaba pe jurnalist: “stiti care e difetenta dintre o celebriate si o vedeta?”

Pai: o celebritate e un om cunoscut pentru ca si-a facut meseria bine, fie ea de muzician sau actor. Vedetismul in schimb e nociv si nu inseamna decat o afacere cu un capital de imagine care are o crestere si un profit constant, la fel ca actiunile star bucks.

Intr-o lume fara vedete inchipuite, milioanele alea de euro incasate pe fiecare concert nu aveau de ca sa mai treaca pe la Metallica ca sa directioneze ei cateva procente din inacasari nu stiu carei asociatii le spune lor managerul de proiect sa o faca. Si apoi sa-si faca poza asta triumfatori cu cecul ala la o dimensiune ridicola.

Si ce e cel mai trist e ca in realitate din donatiile astea cam toata lumea profita mai putin nenorocitii aia de copii bolnavi de cancer.

Da, e bine ca s-au dat bani pentru un spital, dar o facem gresit. Scoatem pe loc cateva milioane de euro din buzunar intr-o seara pentru Metallica sau alte vedete si hranim consumerismul obsesiv de star-uri care nu produc nimic concret. Au facut candva niste albume bune. Ok, dar de atunci au trecut niste zeci de ani si alte mii de trupe au facut niste albume si mai bune … Nu este un succes mult prea nemeritat pentru Metallica in detrimentul altor trupe de metal distribuit neechitabil si intretinut de industria asta obsesiva care produce staruri cu cifre de afaceri de milioane si milioane de euro nejustificate si nemeritate?

Mai degraba meritul il poarta asociatia aia pentru ca i-au convins pe ei fiindca pe voi nu va poate convinge nimeni, pentru ca na, nu se lasa cu bere la sfarsit. Iar gestul e o palma pentru un guvern incompetent si disfunctional, ca spitalul asta trebuia facut de stat din contributiile si impozitele noastre.

Asa ca daca chiar te bucuri pentru ca se aduna bani pentru un spital oncologic destinat copiilor bolnavi de cancer, in loc sa scoti intr-o seara pe loc din buzunar impreuna cu altii peste 2 milioane de euro si sa hranesti o industrie nociva, dand bani pe biletele alea, poti sa donezi banii aia direct aici: RO08 INGB 0000 9999 0317 5286. Da, este contul bancar al acelei asociatii pentru construirea spitalului oncologic. Se poate plati si direct, nu trebuie sa treaca neaparat pe la Metallica pentru asta ca sa dea ei mai departe cativa lei din pretul biletului, sa-si creasca astfel capitalul de imagine pe barba ta, data viitoare incasand si mai mult, si mai mult … Sau o poti face prin directionarea procentului de 2% din salariu. Iar in felul asta se pot construi nu unul, ci sute de spitale. Si poti asculta in continuare si Metallica, over and over agen, Master, Master, Master … asta in cazul in care n-ai descoperit ca au mai aparut si alte trupe.

Da, suspectez Metallica de filantropie comerciala. Exceptand faptul ca banii nu ajung toti unde trebuie si se poarta o negociere financiara si de imagine inaintea tranzactiei, in spate e doar un calcul de marketing si management al unei trupe care functioneaza ca o companie: la incasari de cateva milioane la fiecare concert, trebuie sa menti o imagine motivanta. In cazul starurilor rock, reclamele de tip Rihanna nu prea prind, pentru ca aparent publicul e oleaca mai inteligent … zic, doar oleaca … si atunci trebuie sa-ti speli imaginea dupa scandalurile cu Napster si aviditatea financiara nejustificata din trecut bagand mai mult in filantropie comerciala.

La fel cum Bon Jovi detine restaurante pentru saraci si Bono imparte cu donatiile false in stanga si in dreapta mai ceva ca Maica Teresa, investitiile astea se reflecta in incasari si in cotatia pe scena de show biz, tinand publicul cald. Public care trebuie sa consume in continuare aceleasi piese over and over again and again … nu conteaza ca nu mai sunt anii ’80 si intre timp au aparut alte trupe muzicale net superioare, scena metal evoluand … “we are Meeeeeetallicaaaaa”, consumati aceleasi albume over and over, repetativ, repetativ, repetativ, Master, Master, Master, ca sunt the shiet.

Intr-o lume cu o evolutie muzicala si artistica exponentiala, vedetismul obsesiv nu se justifica. Aceste personaje create nu mai sunt oameni care si-au ales meseria de muzicieni sau actori, sunt deodata formatori de opinie, sunt idoli cu milioane de followeri, nu m-ar mira ca maine poimaine unul din ei sa candideze la alegeri si sa castige, mascariciul de Trump doar a deschis drumul …

Imi amintesc de unul din ultimele interviuri cu Dem Radulescu, crescut in alt tip de societate, care la un moment dat il intreaba pe jurnalist: “stiti care e diferenta dintre o celebriate si o vedeta?”

Pai: o celebritate e un om cunoscut pentru ca si-a facut meseria bine, fie ea de muzician sau actor. Vedetismul in schimb e nociv si nu inseamna decat o afacere cu un capital de imagine care are o crestere si un profit constant, la fel ca actiunile star bucks.

Intr-o lume fara vedete inchipuite, milioanele alea de euro incasate pe fiecare concert nu aveau de ca sa mai treaca pe la Metallica ca sa directioneze ei cateva procente din inacasari nu stiu carei asociatii le spune lor managerul de proiect sa o faca. Si apoi sa-si faca poza asta triumfatori cu cecul ala la o dimensiune ridicola.

Si ce e cel mai trist e ca in realitate din donatiile astea cam toata lumea profita mai putin nenorocitii aia de copii bolnavi de cancer.

Da, e bine ca s-au dat bani pentru un spital, dar o facem gresit. Scoatem pe loc cateva milioane de euro din buzunar intr-o seara pentru Metallica sau alte vedete si hranim consumerismul obsesiv de star-uri care nu produc nimic concret. Au facut candva niste albume bune. Ok, dar de atunci au trecut niste zeci de ani si alte mii de trupe au facut niste albume si mai bune … Nu este un succes mult prea nemeritat pentru Metallica in detrimentul altor trupe de metal distribuit neechitabil si intretinut de industria asta obsesiva care produce staruri cu cifre de afaceri de milioane si milioane de euro nejustificate si nemeritate?

Mai degraba meritul il poarta asociatia aia pentru ca i-au convins pe ei fiindca pe voi nu va poate convinge nimeni, pentru ca na, nu se lasa cu bere la sfarsit. Iar gestul e o palma pentru un guvern incompetent si disfunctional, ca spitalul asta trebuia facut de stat din contributiile si impozitele noastre.

Asa ca daca chiar te bucuri pentru ca se aduna bani pentru un spital oncologic destinat copiilor bolnavi de cancer, in loc sa scoti intr-o seara pe loc din buzunar impreuna cu altii peste 2 milioane de euro si sa hranesti o industrie nociva, dand bani pe biletele alea, poti sa donezi banii aia direct aici: RO08 INGB 0000 9999 0317 5286. Da, este contul bancar al acelei asociatii pentru construirea spitalului oncologic. Se poate plati si direct, nu trebuie sa treaca neaparat pe la Metallica pentru asta ca sa dea ei mai departe cativa lei din pretul biletului, sa-si creasca astfel capitalul de imagine pe barba ta, data viitoare incasand si mai mult, si mai mult … Sau o poti face prin directionarea procentului de 2% din salariu. Iar in felul asta se pot construi nu unul, ci sute de spitale. Si poti asculta in continuare si Metallica, over and over agen, Master, Master, Master … asta in cazul in care n-ai descoperit ca au mai aparut si alte trupe.

Si da, donatiile sincere nu se fac in gura mare ci discret, fara sa tiparesti cecul ala de 2 metri si sa te bati dupa aia cu pumnii in piept la presa. Iar daca tot o faci, fa tu gestul ala si daca vrei pune si o poza la op, nu credita niste vedete inchipuite sa o faca pentru tine, ca sa-si mareasca pe banii tai capitalul ala de imagine si asa absurd de mare.

Si da, donatiile sincere nu se fac in gura mare ci discret, fara sa tiparesti cecul ala de 2 metri si sa te bati dupa aia cu pumnii in piept la presa. Iar daca tot o faci, fa tu gestul ala si daca vrei pune si o poza la op, nu credita niste vedete inchipuite sa o faca pentru tine, ca sa-si mareasca pe banii tai capitalul ala de imagine si asa absurd de mare.

MADRUGADA @ SANTERIA SOCIAL CLUB, MILAN

I’m gonna lock you down with liquor and love

After what seemed like a million years, Madrugada finally decided to get their shit together and started touring again. With only three original members left in the line-up, we have all gathered at a concert of two uninterrupted hours of Madrugada. At bass, an old school member Frode Jacobsen, a combination of Nick Cave and Matthew McConaughey. Master of drums, old-time Madrugada member, Jon Lauvland Pettersen and finally the vocalist, sober and serious, looked like he just came from the office, Mister Sivert Hoyem.

The crowd did not spare the applause when the soulful opener ‘Vocals’ was presented and was rewarded in the course of the show with a great presentation of the entire ‘Industry Silence’ album. The visuals were amazing and the sound was incredible! On the setlist as well as in the merch they were selling exclusively Industrial Silence. Must say it was an odd choice! Industrial Silence is their first album, released in 1999. All the greater the joy to listen to tunes you’d never expect. Their intense melancholic rhythm is captivating, to say the least. Their music is dark but romantic and at times agitated and Sivert’s baritone voice suits it perfectly.

After a couple of songs, Sivert introduced the band announcing the end of their Italian tour for 2019. That being said, they started to get more and more comfortable with the stage and with the public. If in the beginning, Sivert had his shirt buttoned up with a jacket to cover it, by the end of the encore, his shirt was unbuttoned and sweaty, his jacket thrown somewhere backstage. He started sharing sweet stories about the tunes and their meaning and admitted that Electric was their first ever song that was any good! 

They definitely know how to entertain a concert, at some point, in the middle of the concert, he dressed in this amazing disco jacket only to shut the lights completely later and use one flashlight to blind the public from one end to the other. 

The public couldn’t just let them go without an encore so they came back and played a couple of songs from other albums, including Honey Bee which Sivert admitted that is his all-time favorite song. That’s lovely, Sivert, it’s my favorite song, too!

Before leaving, they just had to announce that by pure accident, at the concert was present also Marius ‘Wah Wah’ Johansen, one of their first guitarist from the really early years ( I’m talking the ‘90s here ).

Madrugada + Marius Wah Wah

Setlist:

  1. Vocal
  2. Belladonna
  3. Higher
  4. Sirens
  5. Shine
  6. This Old House
  7. Strange colour blue
  8. Salt
  9. Norwegian Hammerworks Corp.
  10. Beautyproof
  11. Quite Emotional
  12. Terraplane

Encore:

  1. Electric
  2. Black Mambo
  3. Only When You’re Gone
  4. Honey Bee
  5. What’s on Your Mind?
  6. Majesty
  7. The Kids are on High Street
  8. Valley of Deception

Există prietenie sau doar momente de prietenie?

Nu toți care râd îți sunt prieteni. Nu toți care se supără îți sunt dușmani. (Proverb mongol)

Ce leagă o prietenie? Pasiuni și dorințe comune, compatibilitate, comunicarea pe aceeași limbă… Sunt prietenii care pot dura câteva luni, câțiva ani, 10 ani, peste 30 de ani sau chiar o viață. Prietenia nu vine cu termen de garanție și poate să se rărească, să se consolideze sau să expire oricând. Normal, cu cât e legată mai mult timp, cu atât șansele să se rupă scad dar nu dispar niciodată. Cu timpul pasiunile și dorințele pot deveni parțial comune, limbajul mai bine înțeles sau mai strain …

Cine ți-e cel mai bun prieten? Uneori poți să nu ai un cel mai bun prieten, eu am un ochelarist nihilist de prin ’87 și o ochelaristă sceptică de prin 2008 și amândoi îmi sunt super dragi. Dar cred că defapt cel mai bun prieten ești mereu tu însuți. E adevărat că uneori poți lucra chiar tu împotriva ta dar tot propriul tău aliat ramai tot timpul și prietenia asta are termen de garanție pentru tot restul vieții. Dacă ești ateu ca mine îți e mai simplu să crezi în ea 🙂

Despre prietenia între semeni, o buna definiție am gasit-o dată de Ștefan Iordache în ultimul interviu, deși cam radicală: “Nu cred ca exista prieteni, ci doar momente de prietenie.”

Eu cred însă în prietenie. Cred că legătura asta este alcătuită din momente de prietenie dar și mâhnire că doar forțele astea lucrează cu afectiuni și așteptări. Cu nihilistul meu am stat certat de vreo 2 ori în copilărie câteva ore, nu știu dacă se pune, ca adulți niciodata. Eu m-am supărat de câteva ori pe el dar el niciodată pe mine. O prietenie adevărată cred că ține de ușurința cu care cei implicți trec peste divergențe.

Sentimentul prieteniei îți dă încredere și poftă de viță. Revenind la proverbul de mai sus, se spune că dacă vrei să scapi de prietenii falși cu care doar te simți bine și atât, cel mai simplu e să-i împrumuți cu bani. Se mai spune că prietenii adevărați trebuie să-i poți număra pe degetele unei mâini. Nu cred ca este o regulă dar sunt niveluri diferite de prietenie. Prietenie de facebook, de context … și urcă pe scara valorii până la acele momentele în care prietenii au nevoie cu adevărat unii de alții, în cele mai importante clipe.

Linda goes live!

Lou Reed sorbea adanc din tigara in timp ce isi acorda intr-un mod ciudat chitara pe acordurile de la Wildwood Flower. Kurt isi mangaia crucifixul de la gat, privindu-se in oglinda cu mana pe pusca, fredonand usor un cantec de la Meat Puppets. La radio se auzea Psycho Killer. Desi erau in aceeasi incapere se ignorau reciproc. Era anul 2018 si nu erau in iad, nu erau in rai, erau in the Tower of Songs … la Trei Betivi Bar.

Eu cuget. Tu cugeți. Noi cugetăm. Oare?

La început a fost cugetul.

Oamenilor li s-a părut un pic plictisitor și au cam renunțat la el, dar ce te faci când CHIAR TU ești un cugetător? Ce te faci când boala ta e cugetarea? Ce te faci când nu poți să te oprești din cugetat și cugeți și cugeți și nu poți să iei o decizie normală în viața ta fără să te gândești după că ai greșit și că toată viața ta ar fi fost mult mai bună și împlinită dacă ai fi cugetat în direcția opusă? Sau dacă nu ai fi luat vreun stimulent pentru cugetări mai profunde?

Nu e chiar așa rău. Adică nu e așa rău când stai în casă și nu faci nimic productiv.

Ce se întâmplă când ești la birou și manageru’ face o glumă pe seama ta și toată lumea se uită la tine și se așteaptă să faci o glumă și mai bună ca să te scoți? AARRRGGHHHH presiunea cugetării! Acasă ai tot timpul din lume să vii cu 92847583746783856 de răspunsuri. Toate mai bune ca „haha .. NOT ”.

Cugetatul e rău, știu asta. Lumea face bine că nu (mai) cugetă. Din acest motiv, vine un moment în viața oricărui cugetător în care se întreabă: Oare are rost să cuget? Oare nu ar fi viața mea mai frumoasă fără a cugeta atât de mult? Oare ar trebui să nu cuget atât de mult asupra importanței de a cugeta?

Deși scurte, aceste accese ale cugetătorilor vin și pleacă cam de 4-5 ori pe zi. E cam enervant, trebuie să recunosc. Atât de enervant încât mi-am pierdut firul cugetului și vreau să dorm.

Da. Dormitul e bun.

„ Cugetările sunt florile mesajelor divine. ”

.. zice această Valeria Mahok. Unde altundeva să primești mesaje divine dacă nu în somn, ah?

Hai noapte bună